Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
