i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
