You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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