I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
