I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
