i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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