I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
