i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
