I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
