i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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