You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My life is pants optional.
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