i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Less talking, more tequila
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
