Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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