a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
