How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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