He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
