Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
