He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize