i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
