I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dicks are not precious.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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