Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
