R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
