My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
