the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
