2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
