So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He kissed a someone with a penis
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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