there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
