please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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