i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
