god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
