Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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