Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
That's intense
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
