She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
