we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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