while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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