Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
