THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
