Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
