My boss' voice literally gives me gas
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
