I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
