So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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