so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
