I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
