Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
