i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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