The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize