She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
