i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
