I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
