I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
