i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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