Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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