Where did you get a picture of my penis
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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