Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
