she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
