Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize