does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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