Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
