As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
