remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
