so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
