I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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