How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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