but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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