All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
