you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
