dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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