Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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