Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My nipple is on Facebook.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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