i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
